Genre: Comedy, Stage Play

Length: Two hours, one intermission

Casting
Any race or ethnicity—even in parent-child relationship.
1 woman, middle age
2 women, middle twenties
2 men, middle age

Synopsis
A couple ponders what to do when they discover that an unknown person is living in their basement. A normal couple would take swift action. But not these people. They have to discuss it: Call police? Kick the person out, with so many people homeless? Give priority to an old family friend who appears, homeless and needing shelter? What about their adult daughter, who wants a temporary place? What if it’s the wife’s unstable sister? What’s moral? What’s safe? And who’s down there, anyway? All fodder for the family’s greatest talent: bickering.

Excerpt
Adrian: There’s somebody down there?
Aubrey: Yes.
Adrian: Somebody you don’t want me to know about?
Aubrey: I was going to tell you.
Adrian: You were going to tell me?
Aubrey: Of course.
Adrian: For how long were you going to tell me?
Aubrey: For how long? For as long as it takes to tell—
Adrian: No. You were planning to tell me, right? So for how long have you been making this plan? In other words, how long has this been happening?
Aubrey: You mean how long has there been a who down there?
Adrian: Aubrey, please don’t play games with me. It’s your no-good sister, isn’t it.

Production needs summary
Set
Living room, lightly furnished with sofa and chairs. Door to outside and door to basement must be visible to the audience. Door to kitchen. Door to the rest of the house–unused.

Costumes
Modern casual.

Props
Glasses, plates, cutlery, generic soda can.

Sound
Loud doorbell or chimes. Sound of someone walking heavily down and up a staircase.

Production History
A four-week, 15-performance run at Theatre 40 in Beverly hills, October 2022. Prior to that, several Zoom and on-stage readings.